Gaslighting can be genuinely difficult to identify while it's happening, since the whole point of the behaviour is to make you doubt your own perception of events. This guide covers 40 real examples of gaslighting across relationships, marriage, and the workplace, along with practical guidance on how to respond if you recognise these patterns in your own life.
What's in this Guide?
This guide explains what gaslighting is, covers 40 examples across relationships and the workplace, and explores common phrases to watch for. You'll also find guidance on how to respond and where to find support.
Jump to:
- What Is Gaslighting?
- Common Gaslighting Phrases
- 15 Examples of Gaslighting in Relationships
- 15 Examples of Gaslighting at Work
- 10 Examples of Medical Gaslighting
- Gaslighting vs Normal Disagreement: What's the Difference?
- How to Respond to Gaslighting
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Study Dealing With Narcissism for £29
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where someone causes another person to question their own memory, perception, or judgement, often to avoid accountability or maintain control within a relationship or situation. The term comes from a 1938 stage play in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she's losing her mind, partly by dimming the gas-powered lights in their home and denying anything had changed when she noticed.
Gaslighting can happen gradually, which is part of what makes it so difficult to recognise from the inside. It can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, families, workplaces, and even in medical settings, and it isn't always a conscious, calculated strategy, though the impact on the person experiencing it is real regardless of intent.
Common Gaslighting Phrases
Certain phrases come up repeatedly in gaslighting behaviour, often used to dismiss, deny, or redirect blame:
- "That never happened."
- "You're remembering it wrong."
- "You're too sensitive."
- "I never said that."
- "You're overreacting."
- "Calm down, you're being crazy."
- "You're imagining things."
- "Everyone agrees with me, not you."
Hearing one of these phrases occasionally, particularly during a heated moment, doesn't necessarily mean gaslighting is taking place. It's the consistent, repeated pattern of denial and blame-shifting that tends to distinguish gaslighting from an ordinary disagreement or a single poor choice of words.
15 Examples of Gaslighting in Relationships
- Denying a conversation took place, even when you clearly remember it
- Insisting you agreed to something you don't recall agreeing to
- Dismissing your feelings as an overreaction whenever you raise a concern
- Accusing you of being "too sensitive" as a way of shutting down a conversation
- Rewriting the history of a past argument to make themselves look better
- Making you apologise for something they did, by turning the blame back on you
- Withholding affection or information, then denying they're doing it on purpose
- Trivialising things that clearly upset you as "not a big deal"
- Comparing you unfavourably to others to make you doubt your own judgement
- Isolating you from friends or family while insisting they're only looking out for you
- Telling you what you're "really" feeling, rather than asking or listening
- Flatly denying something you witnessed directly, insisting it didn't happen that way
- Using your own insecurities against you during disagreements
- Making you feel guilty for setting a reasonable boundary
- Shifting the subject entirely whenever you bring up a specific concern
15 Examples of Gaslighting at Work
- A manager denying they agreed to something previously confirmed in conversation
- Being told you "misunderstood" clear instructions that were actually followed correctly
- Having your accomplishments minimised or attributed to someone else
- A colleague rewriting the details of a shared project to shift blame onto you
- Being told "no one else has a problem with this" when you raise a genuine concern
- Having your documented concerns dismissed as "being dramatic"
- A boss changing expectations after the fact and insisting they were always that way
- Being excluded from meetings, then told you were never expected to attend
- Having your emails or messages selectively "forgotten" when it's convenient
- Being told you're "too emotional" for raising a legitimate workplace issue
- A manager denying a prior verbal agreement about pay, hours, or responsibilities
- Being blamed for a mistake that was clearly someone else's error
- Having feedback about your performance shift dramatically without explanation
- Being told a well-documented issue "never happened" during a formal review
- Colleagues subtly undermining you, then acting confused when you address it directly
10 Examples of Medical Gaslighting
- Having physical symptoms repeatedly dismissed as "just anxiety" without proper investigation
- Being told your pain "can't be that bad" despite clearly describing it
- Symptoms being attributed to weight without appropriate testing for other causes
- Being told you're "too young" for a condition without further investigation
- Having a healthcare provider insist a previous diagnosis or test result didn't happen
- Being repeatedly redirected to "lifestyle changes" without a thorough assessment
- Concerns being dismissed as "Google-induced" anxiety rather than being properly explored
- Being told your symptoms are "all in your head" without further investigation
- Having legitimate concerns minimised because previous tests came back normal
- Being made to feel like a burden for asking follow-up questions about your own care
Gaslighting vs Normal Disagreement: What's the Difference?
This is one of the most important distinctions to understand, since not every disagreement or moment of forgetfulness is gaslighting. Ordinary disagreements involve two people genuinely seeing a situation differently, often followed by some acknowledgement of the other person's perspective, even if a disagreement isn't fully resolved.
Gaslighting, by contrast, tends to involve a consistent pattern of denial specifically aimed at making you doubt your own reality, often without any genuine acknowledgement of your perspective at all. A single instance of someone genuinely misremembering something isn't gaslighting. A repeated, patterned refusal to acknowledge your experience, particularly when it consistently benefits the other person, is worth taking more seriously.
How to Respond to Gaslighting
If you recognise these patterns in a relationship, friendship, or workplace, a few approaches can help:
- Keep a record. Writing down specific incidents, including dates and details, can help you trust your own memory when it's being challenged.
- Seek outside perspective. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or colleague can help you check your perception against someone outside the situation.
- Set clear boundaries. Calmly stating what you will and won't accept, without needing to justify or over-explain, can help reduce the space for further manipulation.
- Limit engagement where possible. Sometimes called "grey rocking," keeping interactions brief and factual can reduce opportunities for further gaslighting, particularly in situations you can't immediately exit, like certain workplaces.
- Consider professional support. A therapist experienced in relational abuse can help you process the experience and think through your options with proper support.
If gaslighting is happening within a romantic relationship or at home, it's worth knowing this can be a feature of wider emotional or psychological abuse. If you're feeling unsafe, or unsure whether what you're experiencing constitutes abuse, UK support services like the National Domestic Abuse Helpline are available to talk through your situation confidentially, whatever stage you're at.
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Frequently Asked Questions
How Do You Know If You're Being Gaslighted?
Common signs include frequently doubting your own memory or judgement, feeling like you're "walking on eggshells," constantly apologising, and feeling confused or off-balance after conversations that once felt straightforward.
Is Unintentional Gaslighting a Real Thing?
Some experts distinguish between deliberate, manipulative gaslighting and less intentional patterns, such as someone who genuinely struggles with accountability. That said, the impact on the person experiencing it can feel similar regardless of intent, which is why addressing the pattern matters either way.
What's the Difference Between Gaslighting and DARVO?
DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, a specific pattern often seen when someone is confronted about wrongdoing. Gaslighting is a broader form of manipulation that can include DARVO as one of its tactics, particularly when someone is challenged directly.
Can Gaslighting Happen Without Someone Realising They're Doing It?
Some people gaslight consciously and deliberately, while others may have learned these communication patterns without full awareness of their impact. Either way, if a pattern of behaviour is consistently making you doubt your own reality, it's worth taking that seriously and addressing it.
Should I Confront Someone I Think Is Gaslighting Me?
This depends heavily on the specific relationship and your own safety. In lower-stakes situations, such as a workplace disagreement, calmly and clearly stating your perspective, backed by documentation, can help. In a closer relationship, particularly if you feel unsafe, it's worth speaking to a professional first about the safest way to approach the situation.
How Do I Start Trusting Myself Again After Gaslighting?
This is often a gradual process, and many people find it helpful to work with a therapist, alongside practical steps like journalling and reality-checking situations with trusted people outside the relationship.
Study Dealing With Narcissism for £29
If this guide has helped you understand gaslighting more clearly, our Dealing With Narcissism Diploma Course explores manipulative relationship dynamics and how to protect your own wellbeing in far more depth. For a limited time, you can enrol for just £29.
If you recognise these patterns in your own relationship and feel unsafe, or simply want to talk it through, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free and confidential, available 24/7 on 0808 2000 247.
